In panic mode. I'm not going to get a job. I'm not going to be able to pay bills. I'm not going to be able to help parents (who are on my ass about getting a job because "we really need it really soon!). The other current panicky issue in my life, which I'm not getting into. Certain person issues flaring up--god knows how I tolerate his personality...I've done everything possible to bend over backwards to accomodate the stubbornness, the literal interpretation of everything, the often doltish behavior (excused as "I'm being a male")...I'm just SO ANGRY because although he claims to understand where I'm coming from, his behavior shows otherwise, and when I call him on it and say I'm angry about it (after I've phrased in my head how it is I feel and why, usually several hours later), I get yelled at for "rubbing it in!" BULLSHIT.

 I had to postpone the interview that I was supposed to have today until tomorrow, because, to put the icing on the cake, I started my period last night. Result: I fucking FEEL LIKE CRAP!!!!! OWWWIEOWWIEOWWIEOWWIE. Which means I can't do a certain thing I'm supposed to do until next Tuesday. Which does not make me happy, since it was scheduled for THIS Wednesday, and I need it NOWNOWNOWNOWNOW!!! SO because I was so sick (and the usual thing for me on the first day is throwing up and having gastrointestinal issues as well as the cramps and a literal FLOOD--I change superpluses every 1-2 hours!), I had to call and reschedule for same time tomorrow.   In addition because I was so sick, I completely forgot to write a thank you note to the people I interviewed with last week. Wonderful. Well at least now I understand where the fuck the crazy moodswings and "I hate everyone I dont want to be around anyone" behavior/thoughts/feelings came from. I suspected as much, too.

Driving lesson today started out with an ABYSMAL right turn, because I got distracted with the switch for the blinkers not functioning properly. And when the instructor slammed on the break, yelling at me and scaring the shit out of me, I panicked and hit the gas. THAT WAS BAD. I DO NOT trust myself when I'm like this. Granted I had an excuse: pain, life crap, nausea, etc, but either way... I cannot concentrate for the life of me, and I only have one more left until I take the exam. Another thing to panic about--I'm not going to pass my driving test.

Then there's the story with the car. Parents' advice: dont get it. Parking costs too much and you wont be able to park it here, insurance costs too much, 10K is not enough to get any car, even a used one, get a job first....which brings one back to the job issue--NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING!

I'm not going to get a job.

Excuse me while I become a nun. That will take care of ALL my issues.